Goodbye
I did it I did it I did what they said
I went where they told me to go and mend.
I did it I did it I found a new friend
Now we have a place to go and mend.
I see in my mind I find her so kind
I’m not doing it I’m not doing it I fear in my mind.
I miss you I miss you I don’t want a new friend
It’s month two and it’s rough getting through
I’m feeling stuck like paper to glue.
I miss you I miss you oh why did I choose
You didn’t laugh You didn’t cry You didn’t make fun
You didn’t hurt You didn’t want You didn’t let go
You didn’t yell You didn’t scream You didn’t leave me alone.
How do I let go to love not only you
How do I learn to love me too
I need to say goodbye to a love so dear
I need to say hello to a love so near
I need to find me by saying goodbye to you
I need to say hello to me by saying goodbye to you
–Goodbye
The feeling expressed in this poem communicates to all those who have experienced the pain of surrendering their drug of choice and who had to learn to live without. Without their friend, their pain reliever, their partner in life who made all things bearable. Until it didn’t. We also know that the pain caused by our using was not sustainable and potentially going to kill us. What we have all come to experience upon choosing to end our dependent relationship with our drug of choice is loss. When we experience loss, we grieve. What is not commonly talked about in recovery is the loss we experience when we give up drugs. If one uses to avoid pain, then giving up using will bring on painful feelings and memories. The loss of distance from pain will need to be addressed. The process of grieving the loss of the addiction itself is a powerful process where a person finds true relief and freedom.
Some people turn to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to resolve the pain from the past, which often times includes losses. Whatever the cause, New Road Center understands addiction and recovery and how to incorporate grief in the healing and recovery process.
